maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
