I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize