how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
