i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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