I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
