So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
