Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
