Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize