I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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