hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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