the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
