Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize