NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
