I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
