Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
