Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
