i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
