Banned from zoo.
Again?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
