I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
