We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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