with your own penis?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
