i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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