sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
