Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
