Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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