I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Your shirt... Was in my pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
