it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
