You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
