try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
