Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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