So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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