i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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