i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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