Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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