if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
