So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
are you so shy because you have an std?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
