Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
