i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
