I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
