I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
