a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
