I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
