I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
