i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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