It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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