Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
