he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
