Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
