loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
