I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
