when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
