Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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