Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
