May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
