I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
