I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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