her facebook's as public as her vagina
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
