I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
