Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
