if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Im part way to drunk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
