Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
