sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
