Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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